You’ve been asking me why I haven’t updated my blog well here I am.  As always I’ve got tons of website work to do but the good news is it’s supposed to each much easier to maintain multiple sites.
I’ve cut back on that chit chatting in the online adult bbw circle as I stated I would some months back. And you wouldn’t believe how much this has changed my stress level. Yes, baby !! I’ve also had to block a bunch of folks from my facebook, myspace, twitter and youtube !! There grown folks are a mess honey. A pure mess. It’s never been easy being me but I wouldn’t trade for all of the world.

Anyway, I’m about to jump in the shower.

It’s been a fairly good Saturday. I took my Saturday morning walk which is what I call it and I can’t wait for those ribs tips and chicken to come out the oven. YUM ! My bedding is all washed up and I’m gonna eat, watch tv, roll around in bed and think of sweet nothings. Sweet nothings hmmm where are you sweet nothings…? Who the hell needs a sweet nothing anyway.

I should be ashamed of myself though for not taking dudes number today to at the very least hear what the man had to say.  You wouldn’t know it from reading my tweets, blog or watching my youtube videos but I am open to the possibility of a relationship. But got darn can you have a better line then hey, sexy you got a man..?

Damn, if that’s how we start you ain’t giving me nothing to look forward to. I need a mental challenge or at least make me think I’m getting one. That is what I like about Mr. Hot Commodity but he’s 40ish so that is to be expected.  Oh if you’re not reading my myspace blog then you most likely missed the picture I posted of Mr. Hot Commodity but don’t worry I’ll have more pics of him in the members section. It’s a shame there won’t be another photoshoot though *sigh* I enjoyed rubbing baby oil all over him.

Now I’m gonna be looking out for the next sexy mutha to oil down and lust after then send on their merry little way with a woody. I bet you wanna know why I didn’t give him any don’t cha..? I won’t dare say I’ve never fucked on the first day that would be an out right lie. I am guilty of getting my groove on too soon.

My mind is always working overtime and full-time and once again I’m currently negotiating another nice lil entertainment website deal. I’m really excited about it because if all goes well this shit is gonna be Hot showcasing some of Chicago’s Hottest Adult Entertainment. And for the curious I’m not talking about BBWs either.

I’ve thought about all the things that could possibly go wrong and stop this deal from happening the most important factor is the Green, money, cash, dough, bread. Most people are so fucking cheap they cheat themselves out of success. I talk about it all the time. People are willing to spend their money on hair, nails, and bling but not business. I mean driving around in a 50,000.00 car with a 600.00 bank account, excuse me..?? That’s just nonsense.

So, that’s how the cookie crumbles no developer/ graphic designer or webmaster is going to work for free and hosting is not free nor is bandwidth. Anywho, I’ll save the webmaster business talk for my webmaster blog Lovely D Entertainment Entrepreneur.

Other than all that JAZZ I had yet another crazy dream which ended with him being beaten nearly to death by a giant man. That woke me straight up !! I was wide awake and cleaning up to calm my nerves. When I say giant man I do mean giant he was about two stories tall. LOL

As you all can see from my blogs loving a brother just ain’t for me cause I don’t know how to love half way. And a quote from one of my favorite movies “Beloved” Oprah says “thin love ain’t no love at all”.

On another note, I did hit up the club and I met a nice, nice, I mean fine as brother. Lawd, this brother is so fine and educated that he has me intimidated. It’s a good thing I wasn’t drunk when I was talking to him cause he would have lost me. I want to describe him in detail but I’ll just say I love his bow legs.

This brother invited me to church when we met in the club. You gotta love that. I’ll admit when I first looked at him I was like nope too cute but when he started talking I was sucked in. There is nothing sexier than a man that understands who he is, where he comes from and what he needs to do in order to be successful in this “America”. Now I won’t get all deep in on that stuff but maybe, just maybe I’ll get my trip to the mother land after all.

At this moment I’m pulling and pushing to be strong and to have faith in myself and my decisions because I know I never fail me. No matter who else doesn’t show up and show out to let me know that every thing is ok I always do. I’m just feeling like the people around me are fraudulent knock-offs of the people I’d like to have in my life. Have you ever felt like that..?

I’ve been trying to do better, be better with people and relationships but um yea not so breezy. I’m not the friendly type so I don’t push to make friends, I’m not the forgiving type so if you put salt in my eye I know you’ll do it again and I’m not the jealous type so if new people try to take my place in your life I’ll step out the way so you all can ride off into the sunset or the furnace which ever is destined.

I just wanna know am I wrong..? I don’t think I’m wrong at all. If you need me to chase you down for friendship then the feelings aren’t mutual, if you need me to put up a public fight showing you really mean something to me then is this for show..? And if I have to keep forgiving you our friendship will lose it’s quality over time after each mended break.

People say that struggles make your relationship stronger well breaks make it weaker. How many times can you break something and mend it back together again before you see it’s totally useless to you and everyone around it.

I can’t pretend to trust you, I can’t pretend to know you or pretend to like you if I don’t. I can’t because my mind, my heart won’t allow me to be at peace with that. So I’d rather let go then hold on to something broken and cheat you out the chance of having the type of friend you deserve good or bad. I know we all make mistakes we are all only human and I’ll forgive and look over somethings but some things just can’t be forgiven or shouldn’t be.

I was talking to an older friend and he finished my sentence with “get a knife in your back”. That’s the reality some people are only there to sabotage you. And then others unknowingly sabotage you with their desire to be seen, desire to be accepted, desire to be acknowledged and their desire to be liked. So, I’m always careful with those types of people who seem to need and want attention from people who wouldn’t care if they fell off the earth tomorrow.

When this is someone you’ve grown to care about it hurts but it’s a matter of self esteem and my friendship or love can’t and won’t fix it. The best thing for me to do is get away before all the repercussions are fucking up my efforts. That’s not selfish that’s smart !

Btw, I tweeted the other day about being annoyed by my sister. She came over in all her fake glory smiling and bearing gifts. Don’t get me wrong I love my sister with all my heart as a matter of fact I think I love her more than she does. And that my friend is most of the problem. She once again brought up reasons why she envies me and I listened as always feeling sorry for her. In a nutshell, she went back to the 1980′s when I was too young to know what the fuck life had in store for me. She was talking about how cute I was with my big brown eyes and how spoiled I was by  “our step father”. Mad at me because he treated me more like his daughter then her and mad at me cause he stepped up and told the courts he wanted to be my father.  So this is my fault..?? I don’t need this shit in my life !!

Wish you could have heard her saying “he always took you around all his friends showing you off, every body in the neighborhood was nice to you and give you whatever you wanted”. It’s so fucking sick ! So fucking sick but I’m glad that now it’s all coming up and I know that it’s not me. This has nothing to do with anything I’ve done oh except that little part about me being born. This is way I made up my mind not to have children by more than one man. So yeah a happy fucking birthday to me, thanks sis !! You make me strong enough to withstand anything.(scene just popped in my head from the movie “Life” she was my half sister so I cut her ass in half ! lol)

But anyway, make sure you go buy my latest fetish video at my clips4sale store bookmark BigBodyDiva.com

With all the rubbish floating around in my head set ablaze by my emotional love affair
(if there even is such a thing) I decided to stop blogging on myspace for a month. Since alot of
my myspace blog post are emotion saturated.

At first I didn’t think I could do it. I thought it was a silly idea and it was pointless but in doing this
I’ve found out somethings I otherwise wouldn’t have.

Blogging is not as easy as you think and certainly not when you have multiple blogs.
There is always the struggle to keep it real and be original.

I’ve gotten request to do videos and O I love getting request. Don’t stop telling me
what you want and how you want it. But of course you know that absolutely does not mean
I’ll do whatever you what. I’ll do whatever I want and the fact that it pleases you is well, a bonus.

You wanna see me getting fucked, sucking dick and all that jazz. I hear ya loud and clear.
And I’ll say this again. I’m not about to just grab anyone and fuck them for your satisfaction.

Who I choose to fuck is entirely my choice and well I do have my standards. I’ve stated that I’m seeking someone
to fuck on camera “LONG TERM”. That pretty much cancels out a bunch of people who have the wonderful talent of short-sighted-ness. Such a fucking disappointment. So, it’s not that I’m ignoring you, or bullshitting you.
It’s the lack of someone who fits with me and is down with this sincerely.

So other than that biz…I haven’t talked to my sister since May 28 !! Hooray !! Soooo, sick of her truly.
She’s on the list of people that are nearly impossible to deal with cause they spew enormous venom into your
seemingly happy life.

I’m trying my damnest to avoid stress. Stress, ulcers, high blood pressure and other unmentionables just don’t
mix. I can see clearly why so many people just let their websites go. You need a support system among other things.
It’s emotionally draining, at times overpowering. Its the struggle to make this work. I mean all of this and your life including your love life.

I called a friend today one of the friends that was their to support me when I first started this online thing.
He isn’t easy to deal with but he’s one of the sweetest guys I know. He makes me feel so strange at times though.
I mean strange in a way I can’t really put into words. I don’t really know what these feelings are or where they
come from.

O and just in case you are wondering, No I’m not hot at all. I feels just fine !! As a matter of fact I’m
wearing a sweater and a shirt and not burning ac or running a fan.

If your on twitter…Follow me.

In the beginning, the lust has to be there with time and growth the love will follow. I’m talking about lust because I’m such a lust/passion addict and I know that you are too.

Love I need but lust I can’t live without. So tell me, do you lust me..?

Ok, freaks and fans….I’m sleepy as heck. It must have been that egg, onion, tomatoe on wheat with mayo. LOL. I think that was the first time I”ve ever eaten mayo on my eggs. Interesting. Anywho, it’s full blown winter here in the windy city and if you listened to the last Menage a trois radio show you know that I’ve been downtown alot lately. Yep, and well nothing has changed much it’s still the same basically. So if you up to treating me to lunch from now until about Jan 20, 2009 in downtown Chicago email me, leave a comment here, or call in to the radio show.

Everyone is running around getting groceries preparing for this “winter storm” and heck I can’t blame anyone for that cause it’s a mess out there. I’ve managed to fall down twice this winter so far. Rushing to get in the house to use the bathroom does not go so well on ice. Anywho, I fell on my knees and hands both times (same day) no cuts, no bruises and I’m all good.

Since Friday I’ve been really happy and hopefully I’ll have some exciting news for you all very soon. I’m crossing my legs, toes, pussy lips and every thing else that can be crossed.

Let’s see what else would you like to know..? I got a call from the young chocolate dude again. He called to ask me if I wanted some dick. Aww, isn’t that sweet of him..? I also got a visit from an old friend which was extremely enlightening. Also, I gave a dude in a wheelchair my phone number but the brother couldn’t make up his mine what his name was. Damn shame, I had to politely dismiss the dude.

Other than that I’m still horny as heck with sore nipples just trying to relax my mind and take it easy avoid stress at all cost. I’m about to get off here and relax a little and get my 32ozs of water in for the day.

Ah, almost forgot don’t forget to check the bottom of my blog and add me on your favorite social networking sites.

I kinda need a little extra love these days….every little bit counts.

That is the question.  There is surely a difference of opinion about the art of giving head and sucking dick.  The average woman is not so willing to and when I say average I mean some of those not in the adult entertainment and some that are !! I think we all have our limits, our boundaries and that’s cool. Anal is something that I’d consider trying and learning under “special” circumstances so that is my limitation.

Over the past week the dick sucking topic has been on the table in my immediate family and it’s a tie two to two for sucking a brothers dick if and when he goes down on you and not sucking the dick because that’s “special”. What’s so special about sucking a brothers dick ? I’m sorry I don’t see that as something that’s so freaking special. If you enjoy doing it I think you should do it and not feel bad that you did it or that you enjoy it.

See these are true sisters issues. If a man goes down on you and he likes it he’s not going to feel bad about it later. As I’ve said I’m not the average woman by any means. I enjoy sucking dick and If I don’t feel like having sex but I still want to see the look of satisfaction on my mans face a good dick sucking is a sure thing. Sucking his dick is pleasing me as much as it is pleasing him.

So I wonder now. How many men think that if a female sucks your dick she’s a slut and fit to suck your dick but not to be your woman, etc ?? I’m really curious to hear the males opinion on sucking dick.

Feel free to leave your comment below.

I’ve been up all night again and I feel much better. I got some things done around the house. Played with the thought of getting an elliptical again. I know that’s a big disappointment for all the weight gain fans although I’ve never said anything about being into weight gain.

I’m planning to nap for an hour then get up and head out to handle some things. Since I’ve just realized it’s the end of the freaking year and I had a talk with a “friend” I decided to blog. If you aren’t able to see it in my blog post it’s been one hell of a year for me.

I had a lot of plans at the start of this year and I’m happy with being able to cross the top five off the list. I did expect to do more this year but I’m pleased with what I have done and I can only strive to do as well or better in the year to come.

If you listened to the last show you heard me mention my plans to “get to know” a female that I think I may have somethings in common with as long as she understands and accepts that I’m not making any promises to be her woman. I haven’t called her yet….why..? fear. Yes, the fear that I could end up breaking one of my own rules.

Hell maybe even the feat that I’ll like her more than any man I’ve ever been with. I’ve said that no man could ever cause enough pain to push you to a woman. LOL And that’s true “ONE” man can’t drive me to be with a woman. However a list of dishonest brothers might open a sister up to the possibility.

Anyway, this has been one heck of a year for me and I’d like to bring the new year in with some happiness and at this present time I’m not too happy. Not being happy is a temporary condition you can work through if/when you know what will make you happy. What will make me happy..? I’d like to erase the last five months and try it again. Yes, that would make me very happy.

Well, I’m going out into the rest of the world and I’m wondering what’s gonna happen today.

Negative energy ..?  Yep, we all get it one way or another. Those haters at work, the chick clinging to “your” man so forth and so on. So I went to release it and my goodness that felt so good. Got me relaxed enough to masturbate and I really needed that one. I took a moment to look at my entire body head to toe especially my stomach. I’ve been spending more time looking at my stomach for the past three months.

Idk…when I look at myself while standing butt naked in the mirror I get alot of questions but I mainly think about my body and my health. I think about what I need to do and what I want to do physically and sexually. Today was a little different. I got in the mirror and looked and looked a my big beautiful black pussy. I opened her up to watch her contract and expand. Trying to see if she’s back to normal size since the last “big black dick invasion” lol.

Now of course that led me to think more about getting big black dick. It’s so unfair that women usually fantasize about someone they have had sex with rather than a complete stranger as men do. So, I thought of the big black dicks I’ve had and my masturbation began.

Masturbating infront of the mirror can change your whole masturbation experience. Delightful. Absolutely positively. I am so big black dick addicted it’s ridiculous. Ok, maybe that is not entirely true because if it were any big black dick would do. Any who, tested and tried good sex makes very good masturbation !!

Shit give me a big black dick and a coke I’m a happy heifer. I just wish it was an easier way to tell if a dude has a big one. Why couldn’t all the big dick dudes be left handed or something like that. I mean you can’t walk up to a dude and say um do you have a big one..? We’ll you could but if he has a little one he’d be offended.

I don’t know how some females don’t appreciate a big one seriously. What is there not to appreciate..? How could you get tired of it..?

Well more for me.