So far I’m still headed towards my goals behind schedule which is the story of my life but still moving towards what I want to achieve. This whole years has gone by so fast just as the year before and the year before that. I’m beginning to think that after 21 all the years start flying. I can’t honestly say that I’m more afraid of what this year is gonna bring than I’ve been for previous years. Life is forever changing and does not seek approval from any of us so we are at it’s mercy whether we admit it or not. I’ve had some lame thoughts run through my head about love, and relationships, blah, blah, blah and all that incomprehensible love failure. Who am I to fantasize about being in love or not being in love.? Thank goodness I have my dreams to hide in and escape the daily ramblings of my heart those two are divorced by the way. LOL OK, I’m sleepy and didn’t want to go to bed without posting.

It’s the end of March so why not March into the new month on the right foot. With that thought In mind I decided to get some pic’s done instead of getting some sleep. A few days ago I went out in search of a sexy RED shoe with a high heel !! Now, I did try these shoes on in the store but didn’t do much walking in them because my ankle was killing me. Anywho, I seriously doubt I’ll ever wear these shoes out doors. But who cares if I wear them out doors when indoors is where the actions is.

I felt guilty while looking at all the shoes because with each pair I picked up I kept wondering if “he” would like them.  Of course I bought them for you faithful and loyal fans that crave more and more of me.  I know you will love them so why should I care if he does or not. Right..?

High heels are so freaking addictive. It’s like stepping into a new you. They make you become an ultimate bad ass super sexy Goddess !! If you feel that than you know you’re a “Diva”.  And all those emotions going on at once is such a freaking turn on. One pair of sexy red heels transforms you that’s for sure.

Now since I’ve had these shoes over the past few days they’ve been in the box in my closet but last night and the night before last I keep thinking about them, thinking about playing with him in them, thinking about the look on his face and every thing that follows that.

I’ve played out three fantasies in my head the best one a down and dirty ass smacking, booty bouncing, dick sucking Menage A Trois.  I’ve talked about this it’s no secret but getting the two of them to agree is the hard part.  I never thought It would be quite so complicated but that’s how it gets when love walks in.

If you’re feeling the picture go ahead a register *FREE* and leave me a comment.

That is the question.  There is surely a difference of opinion about the art of giving head and sucking dick.  The average woman is not so willing to and when I say average I mean some of those not in the adult entertainment and some that are !! I think we all have our limits, our boundaries and that’s cool. Anal is something that I’d consider trying and learning under “special” circumstances so that is my limitation.

Over the past week the dick sucking topic has been on the table in my immediate family and it’s a tie two to two for sucking a brothers dick if and when he goes down on you and not sucking the dick because that’s “special”. What’s so special about sucking a brothers dick ? I’m sorry I don’t see that as something that’s so freaking special. If you enjoy doing it I think you should do it and not feel bad that you did it or that you enjoy it.

See these are true sisters issues. If a man goes down on you and he likes it he’s not going to feel bad about it later. As I’ve said I’m not the average woman by any means. I enjoy sucking dick and If I don’t feel like having sex but I still want to see the look of satisfaction on my mans face a good dick sucking is a sure thing. Sucking his dick is pleasing me as much as it is pleasing him.

So I wonder now. How many men think that if a female sucks your dick she’s a slut and fit to suck your dick but not to be your woman, etc ?? I’m really curious to hear the males opinion on sucking dick.

Feel free to leave your comment below.

I’ve been up all night again and I feel much better. I got some things done around the house. Played with the thought of getting an elliptical again. I know that’s a big disappointment for all the weight gain fans although I’ve never said anything about being into weight gain.

I’m planning to nap for an hour then get up and head out to handle some things. Since I’ve just realized it’s the end of the freaking year and I had a talk with a “friend” I decided to blog. If you aren’t able to see it in my blog post it’s been one hell of a year for me.

I had a lot of plans at the start of this year and I’m happy with being able to cross the top five off the list. I did expect to do more this year but I’m pleased with what I have done and I can only strive to do as well or better in the year to come.

If you listened to the last show you heard me mention my plans to “get to know” a female that I think I may have somethings in common with as long as she understands and accepts that I’m not making any promises to be her woman. I haven’t called her yet….why..? fear. Yes, the fear that I could end up breaking one of my own rules.

Hell maybe even the feat that I’ll like her more than any man I’ve ever been with. I’ve said that no man could ever cause enough pain to push you to a woman. LOL And that’s true “ONE” man can’t drive me to be with a woman. However a list of dishonest brothers might open a sister up to the possibility.

Anyway, this has been one heck of a year for me and I’d like to bring the new year in with some happiness and at this present time I’m not too happy. Not being happy is a temporary condition you can work through if/when you know what will make you happy. What will make me happy..? I’d like to erase the last five months and try it again. Yes, that would make me very happy.

Well, I’m going out into the rest of the world and I’m wondering what’s gonna happen today.

Anyway, I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know that I ate very well and I had just what the doctor ordered peace, quiet and no stress. I posted a video on youtube.

Fans, friends and admirers I’m so thankful to you for the strength and the support you continue to give. It really helps pull through those times when “idiots” that don’t value or respect you do immature and senseless things to cause an emotional disturbance in your life.

Well, I guess this is gonna be the new song stuck in my head for a while…geez it’s kinda depressing. I’m praying for a white Christmas the snow always helps me feel better. There’s just something about seeing the beautiful white blanket cover everything that relaxes me helps me get in the “christmas spirit”.

So, if you have any photo/video request make sure to register here on my blog and post them. Questions, comments, concerns……always welcome. Happy Holidays…..

Ah…just as I started to blog this the phone rang. So now I’m sitting here with the phone on my shoulder and it’s dude !! Damn, dude that I haven’t given a name yet….ummm. Ok, “The chocolate athlete” is talking this shit in my ear about sex. I don’t know I just haven’t had the desire to do anyone new. He’s cool and all chocolate, tall, young but my heart is telling me to back track and stick with what I’ve already had. Being the slut has never been my thing. Yeah I can get slutty for my guy and my fans but getting slutty just for the fuck of it ain’t something I sincerely enjoy !! So, I just told him that I’d love to get to know him better which is the truth. And now on with my blog.

I was sick yesterday and I’m feeling much better today. Thank goodness I think it was just something I ate. I don’t know what’s wrong with people. As soon as you say you sick every one starts looking at you saying omg your pregnant. LMAO, me pregnant..? No, no, no. Considering the fact that I’ve only been pregnant once in my life and I’ve been fucking like crazy most of it I’d say pregnancy is one of those things I don’t have to worry about accidently happening.

I hope you all listened to the show Sunday… but if not you know you can listen to it here of course. The Sunday show always makes my week a little better.

Now, some things have been on my mind and I think I do need to say this. I understand that there are a lot of haters on the net, jealous females and shit starters and as a “man” you need to be able to recognize whats going on. And I’m gonna youtube some of this also. I don’t let a lot of females get close to me because I know how they are so dudes…keep in mind that if I “feel” you getting too close to those females that love to hate and act jealous we are going to have problems. When chicks start making comments to me about what you said to them then that shit has gone too far. And I’m not one of these scary bitches that hide behind the computer……..let that marinate for min. Fella’s keep yo hoes in check !!

Well, fans and friends because I don’t say it enough….”I LOVE YOU”.

You make my heart smile…

In light of all things going on around me with relationships and sex I have to put this one out there. How many men really think about the down side to dating a bi-sexual chick ? Sure you think that you might end up in your fantasy having sex with multiple ladies at once. But there is also the possibility that none of those fantasies will ever happen.

So what could happen that might harm you for life..?  Your girl could leave you for another woman. Will that cause you to question your man hood..? Will you spend the rest of your life sleeping with every willing woman trying to prove that you are man enough..?

It’s something to think about that’s for sure. I mean if you are already unsure of yourself and insecure don’t attempt to compete with a woman as a man you can never win. It’s a losing battle that could haunt you for the rest of your life.

Imagine always trying to measure up to a woman. I can’t think that any man no matter what he says will handle that situation well. But I know that it will be an issue because men are so competitive. They seem to make competitions even when their are none. Personally, competitive men are a big turn off for me. Every thing is not a competition.

If there’s a competition going on I’ll be on the side lines cheering for my favorite. I don’t compete but you competitive men need to make sure you can handle the competition you’ve chosen. Think about losing your woman to another woman for a min. Tell me can you handle it..?

In this moment I’m in the very best frame of mine. I feel so great, so blessed and so thankful. My belly is full, my mind is at ease, and I am satisfied. I woke up this morning still feeling thankful for the events of yesterday. I decided to enjoy these moments in time. I made myself breakfast and sat at my dining room table. I looked across my table at the empty chair and I didn’t long for anyone to be sitting there. I looked around at the other empty chairs and thought I need to get some chair covers. I ate my grits, my scrambled eggs, my toast, my bacon and sipped hot green tea with honey in peace wanting no one and missing nothing. For a moment, I thought about the emotions I allowed myself to feel over the past three weeks or so. I chuckled at the thought of it all yet I am thankful even for those moments which have allowed me to enjoy these moments even more.

I gazed out the window watching the trees sway in the wind seemed as if they were dancing for me and me alone.  I thought of how beautiful and great they are and I felt thankful for them as well. I sipped on my tea thinking of the honey and honey bees so simple, so great, so beautiful. This feeling came over me and I thought this moment right here is happiness. I remembered my father sitting on the porch always appearing content, relaxed and never wanting nor longing. I’ve learned so much from him and yet there are times I allow myself to forget. There are times when I’m swept away by my temporary emotions.

I heard music playing out side so I went to the window. Chocolate cutie was walking past and my first thought was to turn away but I decided to just enjoy watching him walk one last time. Another simple thing which means nothing to most which can still be appreciated and enjoyed. I looked across the street and saw the guy that asked if I would make him breakfast and walked back to my chair. As I looked into the living room I thought about how beautiful it is to love someone.

Love gives you the light to illuminate the lives of those you love. I thought of my recent acts in my attempt to show love and how beautiful it is. I thought of how beautiful it is to allow the love inside you to work through you yet for them. I thought of how beautiful it is to want to prepare breakfast for some one you love, to iron their clothes wanting them to look their best and to think of them wishing and hoping they’re having the very best day possible. It’s these small gestures of love which are often over looked by those that don’t recognize love.

I understand and I am even thankful for those in my life whom do not understand gestures of love because with them the art of love is practiced and perfected. We are all born with love inside us but we must be taught how to use it and even that is beautiful. Looking back over my life I recall choosing to love those with the greatest need for my love. I chose those feeling loss, alone and rejected just like black cats. I can’t explain why and I don’t know why. All I know is that it feels so good to love some one other than myself and I’m thankful for that too.

::::NOTE::::
Days like this are few and far between. Don’t try to analyze it just be happy for me and with me.
The song playing in my head today …..