You’ve been asking me why I haven’t updated my blog well here I am.  As always I’ve got tons of website work to do but the good news is it’s supposed to each much easier to maintain multiple sites.
I’ve cut back on that chit chatting in the online adult bbw circle as I stated I would some months back. And you wouldn’t believe how much this has changed my stress level. Yes, baby !! I’ve also had to block a bunch of folks from my facebook, myspace, twitter and youtube !! There grown folks are a mess honey. A pure mess. It’s never been easy being me but I wouldn’t trade for all of the world.

Anyway, I’m about to jump in the shower.

It’s been a fairly good Saturday. I took my Saturday morning walk which is what I call it and I can’t wait for those ribs tips and chicken to come out the oven. YUM ! My bedding is all washed up and I’m gonna eat, watch tv, roll around in bed and think of sweet nothings. Sweet nothings hmmm where are you sweet nothings…? Who the hell needs a sweet nothing anyway.

I should be ashamed of myself though for not taking dudes number today to at the very least hear what the man had to say.  You wouldn’t know it from reading my tweets, blog or watching my youtube videos but I am open to the possibility of a relationship. But got darn can you have a better line then hey, sexy you got a man..?

Damn, if that’s how we start you ain’t giving me nothing to look forward to. I need a mental challenge or at least make me think I’m getting one. That is what I like about Mr. Hot Commodity but he’s 40ish so that is to be expected.  Oh if you’re not reading my myspace blog then you most likely missed the picture I posted of Mr. Hot Commodity but don’t worry I’ll have more pics of him in the members section. It’s a shame there won’t be another photoshoot though *sigh* I enjoyed rubbing baby oil all over him.

Now I’m gonna be looking out for the next sexy mutha to oil down and lust after then send on their merry little way with a woody. I bet you wanna know why I didn’t give him any don’t cha..? I won’t dare say I’ve never fucked on the first day that would be an out right lie. I am guilty of getting my groove on too soon.

So far I’m still headed towards my goals behind schedule which is the story of my life but still moving towards what I want to achieve. This whole years has gone by so fast just as the year before and the year before that. I’m beginning to think that after 21 all the years start flying. I can’t honestly say that I’m more afraid of what this year is gonna bring than I’ve been for previous years. Life is forever changing and does not seek approval from any of us so we are at it’s mercy whether we admit it or not. I’ve had some lame thoughts run through my head about love, and relationships, blah, blah, blah and all that incomprehensible love failure. Who am I to fantasize about being in love or not being in love.? Thank goodness I have my dreams to hide in and escape the daily ramblings of my heart those two are divorced by the way. LOL OK, I’m sleepy and didn’t want to go to bed without posting.

Men are so easy it was icing on the cake. I sat there in one of the recliners reading a book and watching him unload the truck. Each time he came in he looked over at me and we made flirtatious small talk. I a made a Tyson Beckford comment only because he’s viewed as more attractive than Tyrese and he looked shocked. LOL

I guess he must have been like damn is this young chick coming on to me..? His reaction let me know it was a done deal and I could do whatever I wanted with him. So then I was just hanging around waiting for the moment but pretending to care what was on the truck.  Truth was I had already made up my mind that I wasn’t getting anything from that store and I was only hanging around for him.

When he got a moment he called me over to the bathroom and told me to come in with him. I didn’t go in I stood outside the bathroom door and watched him raise his shirt to show me his chest and back. So of course I told him I couldn’t wait to rub baby oil all over him and once again he looked surprised.

Saying things that shock you turns me on just as much as seeing your erect penis under your pants.

I asked him if he was religious, or married because I wanted him to do something that may conflict with both of those. He said he wasn’t married and he was religous but not like that ya know.  So, I asked him would he pose for me in boxers, briefs and maybe naked and he said yes. Then I gave him my number.

My mind is always working overtime and full-time and once again I’m currently negotiating another nice lil entertainment website deal. I’m really excited about it because if all goes well this shit is gonna be Hot showcasing some of Chicago’s Hottest Adult Entertainment. And for the curious I’m not talking about BBWs either.

I’ve thought about all the things that could possibly go wrong and stop this deal from happening the most important factor is the Green, money, cash, dough, bread. Most people are so fucking cheap they cheat themselves out of success. I talk about it all the time. People are willing to spend their money on hair, nails, and bling but not business. I mean driving around in a 50,000.00 car with a 600.00 bank account, excuse me..?? That’s just nonsense.

So, that’s how the cookie crumbles no developer/ graphic designer or webmaster is going to work for free and hosting is not free nor is bandwidth. Anywho, I’ll save the webmaster business talk for my webmaster blog Lovely D Entertainment Entrepreneur.

Other than all that JAZZ I had yet another crazy dream which ended with him being beaten nearly to death by a giant man. That woke me straight up !! I was wide awake and cleaning up to calm my nerves. When I say giant man I do mean giant he was about two stories tall. LOL

As you all can see from my blogs loving a brother just ain’t for me cause I don’t know how to love half way. And a quote from one of my favorite movies “Beloved” Oprah says “thin love ain’t no love at all”.

On another note, I did hit up the club and I met a nice, nice, I mean fine as brother. Lawd, this brother is so fine and educated that he has me intimidated. It’s a good thing I wasn’t drunk when I was talking to him cause he would have lost me. I want to describe him in detail but I’ll just say I love his bow legs.

This brother invited me to church when we met in the club. You gotta love that. I’ll admit when I first looked at him I was like nope too cute but when he started talking I was sucked in. There is nothing sexier than a man that understands who he is, where he comes from and what he needs to do in order to be successful in this “America”. Now I won’t get all deep in on that stuff but maybe, just maybe I’ll get my trip to the mother land after all.

[flv:http://www.lovelyd.com/videos/lounginglovely.flv 380 268]

First,

Last night I had an interesting dream. I dreamt I was messing around with some dude who was short, older and very powerful. He was apparently a polygamist because he had two women living with him that he had children with. I was the “outside” woman. LOL

My dreams amaze me sometimes. Anywho, I got pregnant and he was in love with me but didn’t know how to tell his wives so he decided we would run away together. We took his jet which I flew to some planet in outer space. We had seven little boys who were not normal according to earth standards.

I was standing there admiring my seven little boys with big round faces, and chubby little cheeks all playing nicely telling each other “I love you”  and my cell phone rang. I answered it and it was “him”. He just started singing some damn prodigy youtube song about breaking up and then he hung up. I stood there thinking about him wondering if I made the right decision. All of the happiness I had with my family and my new life started to become a blur and I felt bad about leaving him. Over and over I thought maybe I didn’t do the right thing.

When I awoke the thought was on instant replay.  I hate to make the wrong decision which is why I take things slow and easy.

Second,

the other day I met this guy whom I wasn’t even gonna blog about. However he told me some thing pretty interesting. I met him while I was out for a day of thinking, and relaxation at the beach having some “Me” time. I was sitting on the last bench you could sit on all the way at the very end of the beach where NO ONE would bother me. Yeah right !

This man came over to me and started talking I decided to be nice and ended up giving him my phone number. Which I think is pretty fucked up but anyway to make a long story short some hours after talking to him on the phone he told me I was a loud thinker. What that simply means is he’s receptive and in tune with me. That is a indeed a beautiful thing some people take years to get on that level where they are intune with each others thoughts, and feelings. I bet if I found him attractive and suitable we wouldn’t be in tune. That’s so fucked up. Well, that’s that.

Oh, one more thing. I’ve decided to make some post on my blog for registered users only since so many of you like to read my post without commenting most likely you bottom feeders trying to hunt down my good dick. LOL My good dick is mine always will be and none of you can change that.

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At this moment I’m pulling and pushing to be strong and to have faith in myself and my decisions because I know I never fail me. No matter who else doesn’t show up and show out to let me know that every thing is ok I always do. I’m just feeling like the people around me are fraudulent knock-offs of the people I’d like to have in my life. Have you ever felt like that..?

I’ve been trying to do better, be better with people and relationships but um yea not so breezy. I’m not the friendly type so I don’t push to make friends, I’m not the forgiving type so if you put salt in my eye I know you’ll do it again and I’m not the jealous type so if new people try to take my place in your life I’ll step out the way so you all can ride off into the sunset or the furnace which ever is destined.

I just wanna know am I wrong..? I don’t think I’m wrong at all. If you need me to chase you down for friendship then the feelings aren’t mutual, if you need me to put up a public fight showing you really mean something to me then is this for show..? And if I have to keep forgiving you our friendship will lose it’s quality over time after each mended break.

People say that struggles make your relationship stronger well breaks make it weaker. How many times can you break something and mend it back together again before you see it’s totally useless to you and everyone around it.

I can’t pretend to trust you, I can’t pretend to know you or pretend to like you if I don’t. I can’t because my mind, my heart won’t allow me to be at peace with that. So I’d rather let go then hold on to something broken and cheat you out the chance of having the type of friend you deserve good or bad. I know we all make mistakes we are all only human and I’ll forgive and look over somethings but some things just can’t be forgiven or shouldn’t be.

I was talking to an older friend and he finished my sentence with “get a knife in your back”. That’s the reality some people are only there to sabotage you. And then others unknowingly sabotage you with their desire to be seen, desire to be accepted, desire to be acknowledged and their desire to be liked. So, I’m always careful with those types of people who seem to need and want attention from people who wouldn’t care if they fell off the earth tomorrow.

When this is someone you’ve grown to care about it hurts but it’s a matter of self esteem and my friendship or love can’t and won’t fix it. The best thing for me to do is get away before all the repercussions are fucking up my efforts. That’s not selfish that’s smart !

Btw, I tweeted the other day about being annoyed by my sister. She came over in all her fake glory smiling and bearing gifts. Don’t get me wrong I love my sister with all my heart as a matter of fact I think I love her more than she does. And that my friend is most of the problem. She once again brought up reasons why she envies me and I listened as always feeling sorry for her. In a nutshell, she went back to the 1980′s when I was too young to know what the fuck life had in store for me. She was talking about how cute I was with my big brown eyes and how spoiled I was by  “our step father”. Mad at me because he treated me more like his daughter then her and mad at me cause he stepped up and told the courts he wanted to be my father.  So this is my fault..?? I don’t need this shit in my life !!

Wish you could have heard her saying “he always took you around all his friends showing you off, every body in the neighborhood was nice to you and give you whatever you wanted”. It’s so fucking sick ! So fucking sick but I’m glad that now it’s all coming up and I know that it’s not me. This has nothing to do with anything I’ve done oh except that little part about me being born. This is way I made up my mind not to have children by more than one man. So yeah a happy fucking birthday to me, thanks sis !! You make me strong enough to withstand anything.(scene just popped in my head from the movie “Life” she was my half sister so I cut her ass in half ! lol)

But anyway, make sure you go buy my latest fetish video at my clips4sale store bookmark BigBodyDiva.com

Ahh, I can always count on you to inspire me when I need inspiration.

Sometimes a diva does need some inspiration especially when my heart is working overtime. Whew, !! So I’m having a mini break.
And I decided to do stockings & high heels for this update. I will
certainly have more stocking and high heel
vids and photos coming and these are long over due. You really do
need to see me as I see myself
a fat, sexy, seductive Goddess. Enjoy the promo video of me
eating strawberries w/whipped creme.
It was actually about 5:00am in the morning and I was feeling
so sexy and I spent quite a bit of
time making videos and photos for you. But after I was done
I was still on fire and truly in the mood
to get kinky and have fun !!

[flv:http://www.lovelyd.com/videos/strawberriesncream.flv 380 268]
The full clip will be added to my members section along with
photos for you to view as part of your membership but until my members
section is open you can download this clip at www.bigbodydiva.com
My Fetish Clips store.

Make sure you let me know how you like the video player…..
I think it’s time I add video’s to my blog post.