Negative energy ..?  Yep, we all get it one way or another. Those haters at work, the chick clinging to “your” man so forth and so on. So I went to release it and my goodness that felt so good. Got me relaxed enough to masturbate and I really needed that one. I took a moment to look at my entire body head to toe especially my stomach. I’ve been spending more time looking at my stomach for the past three months.

Idk…when I look at myself while standing butt naked in the mirror I get alot of questions but I mainly think about my body and my health. I think about what I need to do and what I want to do physically and sexually. Today was a little different. I got in the mirror and looked and looked a my big beautiful black pussy. I opened her up to watch her contract and expand. Trying to see if she’s back to normal size since the last “big black dick invasion” lol.

Now of course that led me to think more about getting big black dick. It’s so unfair that women usually fantasize about someone they have had sex with rather than a complete stranger as men do. So, I thought of the big black dicks I’ve had and my masturbation began.

Masturbating infront of the mirror can change your whole masturbation experience. Delightful. Absolutely positively. I am so big black dick addicted it’s ridiculous. Ok, maybe that is not entirely true because if it were any big black dick would do. Any who, tested and tried good sex makes very good masturbation !!

Shit give me a big black dick and a coke I’m a happy heifer. I just wish it was an easier way to tell if a dude has a big one. Why couldn’t all the big dick dudes be left handed or something like that. I mean you can’t walk up to a dude and say um do you have a big one..? We’ll you could but if he has a little one he’d be offended.

I don’t know how some females don’t appreciate a big one seriously. What is there not to appreciate..? How could you get tired of it..?

Well more for me.

Saturday morning, so what’s better than breakfast in bed, cuddling, a hot shower and then more sex cause you didn’t get enough last night..? NOTHING !! I got to keep it real. I love sex ! Fuck it plain and simple. I don’t think I say this enough … If the dick is “Good”. I mean really good hell yeah I want it every day, any time and any place.

Does that make me a freak.? Maybe

Do I think being a freak is a bad thing.? Hell No !

So I’m a freak and if the dick is good you damn right it’s going down when I want some. I’ve changed so much over the past three years. I’ve reached a certain level of I don’t give a fuck-ness that has guys dazed and females offended.

The only thing I can say is life is too short for bull-shit and crying over spilled milk. I’m gonna be real for a second I’m not down with o.p.p and I’m second to none but if good dick is what I want and he’s laying it right seriously chick “you” don’t exist in my mind.

And know that when I say this I’m speaking as a dominate, goddess only concerned with my personal needs, wants and desires and I think we all have those moments some of us more than others.

The thing is sex is sex and I’ll glady send “your man” back your way when I’m done. LMAO !! If that’s what it is then that’s what it is. Wow, blogging this feels so much better. I know some of you guys are getting all excited like wow good for me.

Trust that the brother who gets this option is only good for sex and can do nothing else for me. And I have absolutely no desire to keep him in any capacity. You know what they say one womans trash is another womans treasure.

Ah, a sigh of relief…

Also, I got the new HIV test that uses saliva and only takes 20 mins. Yes, Negative again. Wrap it up people, wrap it up and if your partner don’t wrap it up with you he most likely don’t wrap it up period !!

I love sex but I love it more with safe partners !

Don’t forget to get on over to www.bigbodydiva.com and buy my fetish clips keep a diva fed !

I’m back… I know you didn’t think I would stop blogging did ya !!?? No, of course not just because I’m not fucking anyone at the moment doesn’t mean my life is a bore. Hey I’m still smoking, sizzlying, steaming, piping ok maybe not piping…lmao HOT !! I’ve got new vids for you sexy and adoring, mouth, tongue, lips, eating, chewing, and sucking fetish freaks. Oral fixation..?? I’m ya fat fearless chocolate cyber chick. As a matter of fact I’ve got two extra large (you know I like em big) candy canes sitting in front of me on my desk right now…and the ice cream sandwiches are in the freezer. So, look out for those but until then check out the new clips added to www.bigbodydiva.com currently available for download.

Now about me…

Where have I been…?

Here wondering around lost, dazed, and confused in cyber space. lol well not exactly.

Why haven’t I blogged in the past 15 days…??

No reason really just the normal busy and I’ve been sleeping a hellava lot more these days in addition to spending less time “Available”.

How do I feel..?

I’ll be real..I still smile, laugh, and giggle but for the most part I’ve been really grumpy lately. Idk, but I’m pretty sure like every thing else this too shall pass.

Why haven’t I picked someone new to do..??

Or why ain’t I fucking anyone new ??

Just don’t want to that’s all no other reason like I said “grumpy”. Don’t feel like being bothered really, tired. If you’ve been reading my blog or know a bit about me you know that  ti tac hoe and 1-2-3 new woman are not my favorite games. So guys excuse me for being a little less joyful about the idea of fucking you/fucking for your viewing pleasures.

But fear not… when that stable man steps up to the plate I’ll be ready and willing to bring you the naughty, wet and wild sexual escapdes of this bold fat chocolate chick and her “steady” dick or “MAN”.

Until then your regular Lovely D pics and vids are in full effect….

So tell me what’s your fat girl fetish desire ?

Ah…just as I started to blog this the phone rang. So now I’m sitting here with the phone on my shoulder and it’s dude !! Damn, dude that I haven’t given a name yet….ummm. Ok, “The chocolate athlete” is talking this shit in my ear about sex. I don’t know I just haven’t had the desire to do anyone new. He’s cool and all chocolate, tall, young but my heart is telling me to back track and stick with what I’ve already had. Being the slut has never been my thing. Yeah I can get slutty for my guy and my fans but getting slutty just for the fuck of it ain’t something I sincerely enjoy !! So, I just told him that I’d love to get to know him better which is the truth. And now on with my blog.

I was sick yesterday and I’m feeling much better today. Thank goodness I think it was just something I ate. I don’t know what’s wrong with people. As soon as you say you sick every one starts looking at you saying omg your pregnant. LMAO, me pregnant..? No, no, no. Considering the fact that I’ve only been pregnant once in my life and I’ve been fucking like crazy most of it I’d say pregnancy is one of those things I don’t have to worry about accidently happening.

I hope you all listened to the show Sunday… but if not you know you can listen to it here of course. The Sunday show always makes my week a little better.

Now, some things have been on my mind and I think I do need to say this. I understand that there are a lot of haters on the net, jealous females and shit starters and as a “man” you need to be able to recognize whats going on. And I’m gonna youtube some of this also. I don’t let a lot of females get close to me because I know how they are so dudes…keep in mind that if I “feel” you getting too close to those females that love to hate and act jealous we are going to have problems. When chicks start making comments to me about what you said to them then that shit has gone too far. And I’m not one of these scary bitches that hide behind the computer……..let that marinate for min. Fella’s keep yo hoes in check !!

Well, fans and friends because I don’t say it enough….”I LOVE YOU”.

You make my heart smile…

In light of all things going on around me with relationships and sex I have to put this one out there. How many men really think about the down side to dating a bi-sexual chick ? Sure you think that you might end up in your fantasy having sex with multiple ladies at once. But there is also the possibility that none of those fantasies will ever happen.

So what could happen that might harm you for life..?  Your girl could leave you for another woman. Will that cause you to question your man hood..? Will you spend the rest of your life sleeping with every willing woman trying to prove that you are man enough..?

It’s something to think about that’s for sure. I mean if you are already unsure of yourself and insecure don’t attempt to compete with a woman as a man you can never win. It’s a losing battle that could haunt you for the rest of your life.

Imagine always trying to measure up to a woman. I can’t think that any man no matter what he says will handle that situation well. But I know that it will be an issue because men are so competitive. They seem to make competitions even when their are none. Personally, competitive men are a big turn off for me. Every thing is not a competition.

If there’s a competition going on I’ll be on the side lines cheering for my favorite. I don’t compete but you competitive men need to make sure you can handle the competition you’ve chosen. Think about losing your woman to another woman for a min. Tell me can you handle it..?

In this moment I’m in the very best frame of mine. I feel so great, so blessed and so thankful. My belly is full, my mind is at ease, and I am satisfied. I woke up this morning still feeling thankful for the events of yesterday. I decided to enjoy these moments in time. I made myself breakfast and sat at my dining room table. I looked across my table at the empty chair and I didn’t long for anyone to be sitting there. I looked around at the other empty chairs and thought I need to get some chair covers. I ate my grits, my scrambled eggs, my toast, my bacon and sipped hot green tea with honey in peace wanting no one and missing nothing. For a moment, I thought about the emotions I allowed myself to feel over the past three weeks or so. I chuckled at the thought of it all yet I am thankful even for those moments which have allowed me to enjoy these moments even more.

I gazed out the window watching the trees sway in the wind seemed as if they were dancing for me and me alone.  I thought of how beautiful and great they are and I felt thankful for them as well. I sipped on my tea thinking of the honey and honey bees so simple, so great, so beautiful. This feeling came over me and I thought this moment right here is happiness. I remembered my father sitting on the porch always appearing content, relaxed and never wanting nor longing. I’ve learned so much from him and yet there are times I allow myself to forget. There are times when I’m swept away by my temporary emotions.

I heard music playing out side so I went to the window. Chocolate cutie was walking past and my first thought was to turn away but I decided to just enjoy watching him walk one last time. Another simple thing which means nothing to most which can still be appreciated and enjoyed. I looked across the street and saw the guy that asked if I would make him breakfast and walked back to my chair. As I looked into the living room I thought about how beautiful it is to love someone.

Love gives you the light to illuminate the lives of those you love. I thought of my recent acts in my attempt to show love and how beautiful it is. I thought of how beautiful it is to allow the love inside you to work through you yet for them. I thought of how beautiful it is to want to prepare breakfast for some one you love, to iron their clothes wanting them to look their best and to think of them wishing and hoping they’re having the very best day possible. It’s these small gestures of love which are often over looked by those that don’t recognize love.

I understand and I am even thankful for those in my life whom do not understand gestures of love because with them the art of love is practiced and perfected. We are all born with love inside us but we must be taught how to use it and even that is beautiful. Looking back over my life I recall choosing to love those with the greatest need for my love. I chose those feeling loss, alone and rejected just like black cats. I can’t explain why and I don’t know why. All I know is that it feels so good to love some one other than myself and I’m thankful for that too.

::::NOTE::::
Days like this are few and far between. Don’t try to analyze it just be happy for me and with me.
The song playing in my head today …..

wow, I understand that some dudes use the words “I love you” to get what they want  but there are times when using it is just plain creepy. Dude obviously didn’t pick up on the tone of my voice well. He called with that what you doing, where you live at so I can come over blah, blah !

Since I calmed down a bit I chit chatted with him. I mean hey I understand he’s young and anxious. So the usual convo when we gonna meet..? What are you doing..? Boring I know… To make a long story shorter before we hung up he was like “I love you” bye girl.  I was like what..?

Wow, ok maybe I’m taking this all wrong. Maybe he didn’t mean it like that. So that’s cool he loves me and I love him too. And I love you too !! Yeah you reading my blog. It’s cool if you only reading cause you a hater. Lmao !!

Which brings me to this .. some one had the nerve to bring “her” stank ass on my blog and vote no she don’t want to see more of me and Mr. Malcolm Little. It’s cool though  . ..girl you’ll be ok. Have you fallen for him too..? He’s good aint he..?? Just like me; Malcolm Little is the Shit !! He got your ass going and you not even in Chicago !!  Damn, girl I thought I had it bad. Pull yourself together. Oh, or are you just a friend who cares ..? Babes, I feel for you. Infatuation is a mother fucker but don’t hate on me. It aint my fault. Just keep in mind that your ip address tells where you are sweets which pretty much lets me narrow it down to who you are. Be easy young one.

Now moving right along . .didn’t do much today. The weather sucks big time. We are moving in to cuddle season. Get under the covers with that some one special and a movie season. Sad thing is this is also the time internet sales start to pick up and people go back inside for on line entertainment. So, I can’t cuddle as much as I’d like to !! ha, ha..

I’ve been messing with vids all day and frustrated with this software. I also got a call from the “Jerry Springer Show”. So I need some brave and out spoken sisters to go with me. Mz shampayne is too chicken and alota can’t go. So, my first choices are out. It’s pretty fucked up to have a vision that people don’t understand !! All three of us on a show together. Lmao now thats some hot phat fun !! Too funny….that will certainly give you haters some shit to talk about.

So, if you interested you know my yahoo id lovelyd60628. Also need males so you guys eat your Wheaties and hit me up if you are a big fan, have a fantasy you want ful filled, are a secret fat admirer. You know it’s a Jerry show so it’s got to be wild. Oh yeah. I’m all excited and shit !! I need to have some damn fun for real.

Shit Mr. Little is right I need to get out the house more….work, work, work !! Edit this, Edit that, replace this, upload that, download this . .delete that.. . call this bull shitting chick . .call this bull shitting guy .. Motivate this chick . .inspire that chick . . Fix this error . .Call this company they fucked up again  . .Reset this pass word for the tenth damn time….follow up with him..

There is a lot that goes into this all you see is the finished project. I can handle it I just want people to stop bull shitting me. If you don’t want to do this cool…don’t waste my time. I got shit to do.

That’s time I could spend out with someone special, heck. Some one special don’t appear that often. I’m specific like that.

Well . .. that’s been my day and I wanna go to bed now. I slept for about three hours today. Make sure you register to leave me comments, vote in the polls and let me know what you thinking about me and my “life”.

So, after being interrogated I decided to ask some questions of my own and I didn’t really even care to know. Some times less is better depending upon what your intentions are. Then yet another question which started a conversation, which lead to a remark that pissed me off so badly I’m blogging it. Dude said to me “I told you he wasn’t sincere”.  And I asked “Do you know him”..? He says “NO” So I asked well then those most be your feelings.  You are not sincere either so there’s no for me to take this any further. Or course he started to explain but it was too late. He truly struck a nerve.

But that wasn’t all….he went on to ask if dude was just a friend then why you catch feelings. O.K. you just met me so tell me why do you care..?  Some young dudes don’t know when to shut the fuck up. I didn’t have to explain myself to him but I will say why. I caught feelings because I broke my own rules and I broke my own rules because I wanted to be real with him.

I share info about my life but when you make comments like that even if they are simply jealousy fueled I can’t over look them. That pissed me off so badly. I just kept thinking he got a lot of damn nerve talking about he not sincere. Whew, yeah guys this is a side of me you don’t know about. I’m extremely protective of those I care for. Personal attacks on people I care for will get you shot down immediately. Don’t even pull it.

So after that little conversation he’s done and it’s good he understood the tone of my voice. Well, I think so anyway cause before I could say don’t call me I’ll call you he was like call me when you get back. I do have a feeling that he’s the EXTREMELY CLINGY and jealous type. That’s the vibe I’ve been feeling from him and I’m not trying to have him all clingy on me. No, not “him”.

He’s another young one and yet I don’t feel like having patience and being understanding with “him”. I don’t have the desire to be that person with
“him”. Maybe that’s wrong of me but that’s just what I feel so I figure why bother..?

My sex drive has obviously taken a noise dive. LMAO, and now I know exactly why it was in over drive. Four years of no sex +two years of thinking= sexual over drive. Strange I tell you. Apparently having passion and desire for one person is enough to have you hot and ready for days on end. Wow, I stepped away too long.

Any who, after running into Chocolate Cutie on my way to the store. I still didn’t feel much better. Looks like he waited too long and I’m thinking that’s a good thing. Got to the store with my lips glistening and shit and the forty year old dudes were digging ya girl. I told myself that I would start accepting numbers from dudes on the street instead of turning them down but today I just wasn’t in the mood.

This one dude kept eye balling me and he was with his chick or a chick. So you know that chick gave me one look too many and oh baby….I gave her the don’t you even think about it  sister !!. That look was so strong dude changed his tune.

Sisters need to stop that shit. If your man is looking at another lady don’t give her nasty looks….pleez grow the fuck up. He was looking at me like he recognized me. Hey it’s cool. No big deal at least he was pleased and not shocked. And that makes me feel better. ha,ha !!

With all that’s going on in my head I decided to pull out one of my favorite pics taken when I first started this. It’s ok to look back when it helps you move forward.

Our last day together felt like a good bye. The way he was talking to me, the way he looked at me the way he kissed me. It all felt like good bye. And those were the best kisses we ever had.  Too bad we didn’t have any good bye sex, damnit. What the fuck is good bye without the sex..? See if he would have stuck with me I could have taught him how to say good bye to a chick properly. But he chose the road most traveled. The road of love and romance.

Ah, looks like “Mr. Malcolm Little” is an old romantic either that or a fool in love. Damn I’m not even gonna get in to his business like that. Right now I’m not even mad but that’s how I am. It takes some thing before shit comes crashing down on me. That’s why I’ve decided to blog now. I understand how we all hope for and desire love even when we are in denial about it. And I do realize that even goes for myself as well.

I’m gonna miss that kid. But I do feel like I just wasted two years thinking about him hoping he was done simmering. And yet I can’t think of a person more worthy. At least I found out that he truly is a good guy he’s just young and still fiddling with the remote control to his actions and emotions. If you know me at all you know right now I’m handling this extremely well. I don’t have one bad thought in my mind. Praise God. I have matured after four years of no intimacy !! So it seems something good has come from that as well.

Now for you guys reading this don’t ask me why I won’t call you or date you. This is why. You all never know what the hell you want. You do want me but o wait no you don’t want me. Pleez, guys save it. And don’t tell me I chose the wrong guy. LMFAO, sit back, cross your legs, watch and lets see what happens next.

I”m not about to get all puffed up with pride and tell you I’m gonna do this that and the other as a result of my pain and disappointment. No need for that. I will admit that the thought did cross my mind when he dropped the first hint that he was leaning her way. I’m glad I kept a cool head about it cause that means I can continue to keep a cool head.

Well, time to break the news to my family. They are so not gonna like him anymore, whew !! My mom will take this the hardest she was really digging the kid. My poor cat B.B. he don’t let many people get close to him. My sister will be like well you know what you got to do, move on to the next one. LMAO, as if we had a relationship or something. Let’s be real for a min though; If it feels like a relationship what you call it don’t matter much.

The saddest part about all this is there really isn’t anyone in my life right now that I sincerely want to be bothered with. I did talk to chocolate cutie today though and he don’t look as good as he was looking before I got dick in my life. LMFAO, so maybe Malcolm just saved me from that situation. Too funny…I think it might be time to leave the internet guys alone for a while. Idk but that’s what I’m thinking right now seriously. I don’t care for tight circles and yet that’s what this situation was.

O about the title . .I felt it was appropriate since he’s a gamer. But who’s the loser..?  Only time will tell…

This one main stream porn star seems to blog about every thing in her life but doesn’t get so much into the detail of the on camera fucking. I guess when people come to your site only because you look like a barbie doll you can skip the juicy details or any reference to them being in the members section.
But I like her blog and the fact that she’s so open about things in her life. And then there was the blog of a popular black bbw escort which has disappeared. I mean gone along with her site(s). I’m wondering what happened. There is any number of things that could have happened.

I mean emotional stress is a mutha. If you mess around and get the wrong person in your sheets and in your head it can wipe you out of this biz and I’m learning it’s best to deal with the pro’s. I don’t think many dudes can “really” handle being with a chick off the net. I mean they say they want you, they fantasize about you, whack off to your pics but can’t handle how small you make them feel.

You might think that they would love to be with you after all that whacking off and they might think so also but the truth is their insecurities eat away at them and they flee. All the voices of doubt whispering to them. They have to walk around every day wondering if you will dump they ass tomorrow and get someone new. It takes a strong man to deal with that. Let’s not forget the fact that if you are an escort or porn star you are branded a slut. LOL Even if you’ve only fucked two guys over the last four years. !!!

O trust me I understand. I understand completely. It’s so much easier to get you one of them quiet, plain, boring chicks that are too afraid to smile at an attractive guy or start up a conversation with her eyes !! HA, ha, that shit rocks. I understand some guys are just not cut out to handle having a highly sought after chick as his “woman”. But sweets I’ll tell you this. If you get that chance you better take it make the best of it, enjoy the ride, enjoy the perks and make it do what it do.

The truth is most porn stars are not sluts. Why..? cause sluts fuck for free and they don’t have web sites. They are not thinking about building up a fan base, making content or selling videos. They creep off do what they do and you will never know. So, if you have a woman doing porn and that’s her thing relax, breathe, exhale and know that she wants you !! If any thing you should be re-assured cause of all those she could have chosen you are “the one”. If the average chick had porn star choices would she choose you..??

And your porn star woman most likely needs you for your emotional support more than any thing else. If you can just be that man to give the emotional support she needs and words of encouragement you are “king”.

Now go download my new Video clips . . .

I have to give the fans what they want and they wanted pizza so here I am enjoying pizza. Will I eat a whole medium pizza by myself ..? You’ll have to watch to find out.

Go a head down load it at www.bigbodydiva.com