Ahh, I can always count on you to inspire me when I need inspiration.

Sometimes a diva does need some inspiration especially when my heart is working overtime. Whew, !! So I’m having a mini break.
And I decided to do stockings & high heels for this update. I will
certainly have more stocking and high heel
vids and photos coming and these are long over due. You really do
need to see me as I see myself
a fat, sexy, seductive Goddess. Enjoy the promo video of me
eating strawberries w/whipped creme.
It was actually about 5:00am in the morning and I was feeling
so sexy and I spent quite a bit of
time making videos and photos for you. But after I was done
I was still on fire and truly in the mood
to get kinky and have fun !!

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Make sure you let me know how you like the video player…..
I think it’s time I add video’s to my blog post.

If you’ve been watching the news then you’ve seen the madness on the television about Burr Oak Cemetery located in Alsip, Illinois just outside of Chicago. My stepfather was buried there back in 1988, my friend in 1994 and ex-boyfriend in 1996. They’re most likely other people I know buried there as well. So this is not just on the television right now this is my life. Another situation thrown in front of me for me to deal with appropriately or inappropriately.

Because I was so young when my stepfather was buried I don’t know where they buried him but the death certificate and obituary says he was buried there so he should still be there undisturbed.

Life surely has a way of making you do what you don’t want to. What I mean is my sister and I are talking again. I just got off the phone with her discussing this madness. My sister talked to the lady they arrested trying to locate my stepfathers grave some months ago and they were not able to locate him.

Life and all it’s damn lemons it would be nice to get a lime every now and them. I’ve had a 8×10 picture of my stepfather framed since 1998 because he taught me so much and I admired him so much. I’m not angry, I’m not outraged but I’m hurt. It just hurt to think that after all he’s been through in his life all he’s had to deal with just to live and now even in death there is no peace or respect for him.

When I was sitting in the doctors office yesterday after all the patients were gone I listened to the conversation the staff were having. A doctor there was saying those people should not be arrested and it doesn’t make sense. I couldn’t believe that she said that but I didn’t get mad I tuned her out for the most part and just made myself numb.

What am I to think…? What am I too feel..? What am I to do with all these situations firing off one after the other like fire crackers on the 4th of July..?

And this makes me think of my father and the possibility that this could happen to him also, or me even. I can only hope that after living through all these firecrackers wanting peace and love and finding it rarely that I can be allowed to truly Rest In Peace.

Today is one of those days when I wonder how I live through so much stress and madness without a magic pill to pop in my mouth and make it all go away temporarly. I’m learning and as I blog this I’m also focusing on my breathing to stay relaxed so my pressure dosen’t go up and I get a headache, nausea or vomit. Shall I allow myself to go through the why’s and what fors of this situation. No ! I won’t but this situation has brought me out of my latest regret and mini depression session in which I resent being bold and outspoken because “boys” can’t handle it. If I were not as strong, outspoken and bold as I am this right here would crush me.