LMFAO, I find it amazing how I brush shit off and make jokes about the pain I”m in at first. No more stressing over the situation it’s all out in the clear LOVELY D has been “rejected” ! This whole week “Mr. Malcolm Little” has been dropping hints that he was about to run back to his ex.

Our last day together felt like a good bye. The way he was talking to me, the way he looked at me the way he kissed me. It all felt like good bye. And those were the best kisses we ever had.  Too bad we didn’t have any good bye sex, damnit. What the fuck is good bye without the sex..? See if he would have stuck with me I could have taught him how to say good bye to a chick properly. But he chose the road most traveled. The road of love and romance.

Ah, looks like “Mr. Malcolm Little” is an old romantic either that or a fool in love. Damn I’m not even gonna get in to his business like that. Right now I’m not even mad but that’s how I am. It takes some thing before shit comes crashing down on me. That’s why I’ve decided to blog now. I understand how we all hope for and desire love even when we are in denial about it. And I do realize that even goes for myself as well.

I’m gonna miss that kid. But I do feel like I just wasted two years thinking about him hoping he was done simmering. And yet I can’t think of a person more worthy. At least I found out that he truly is a good guy he’s just young and still fiddling with the remote control to his actions and emotions. If you know me at all you know right now I’m handling this extremely well. I don’t have one bad thought in my mind. Praise God. I have matured after four years of no intimacy !! So it seems something good has come from that as well.

Now for you guys reading this don’t ask me why I won’t call you or date you. This is why. You all never know what the hell you want. You do want me but o wait no you don’t want me. Pleez, guys save it. And don’t tell me I chose the wrong guy. LMFAO, sit back, cross your legs, watch and lets see what happens next.

I”m not about to get all puffed up with pride and tell you I’m gonna do this that and the other as a result of my pain and disappointment. No need for that. I will admit that the thought did cross my mind when he dropped the first hint that he was leaning her way. I’m glad I kept a cool head about it cause that means I can continue to keep a cool head.

Well, time to break the news to my family. They are so not gonna like him anymore, whew !! My mom will take this the hardest she was really digging the kid. My poor cat B.B. he don’t let many people get close to him. My sister will be like well you know what you got to do, move on to the next one. LMAO, as if we had a relationship or something. Let’s be real for a min though; If it feels like a relationship what you call it don’t matter much.

The saddest part about all this is there really isn’t anyone in my life right now that I sincerely want to be bothered with. I did talk to chocolate cutie today though and he don’t look as good as he was looking before I got dick in my life. LMFAO, so maybe Malcolm just saved me from that situation. Too funny…I think it might be time to leave the internet guys alone for a while. Idk but that’s what I’m thinking right now seriously. I don’t care for tight circles and yet that’s what this situation was.

O about the title . .I felt it was appropriate since he’s a gamer. But who’s the loser..?  Only time will tell…

Well, it’s like this…
I read the blogs of other ladies on the net. I’ve been doing that since I got on the net. Just curious about what’s going on in their lives like many of you are curious about me. Shit I think that we all have similar things going on in our lives. And it’s really a wee-bit sad that we don’t support each other as much as we should.

This one main stream porn star seems to blog about every thing in her life but doesn’t get so much into the detail of the on camera fucking. I guess when people come to your site only because you look like a barbie doll you can skip the juicy details or any reference to them being in the members section.
But I like her blog and the fact that she’s so open about things in her life. And then there was the blog of a popular black bbw escort which has disappeared. I mean gone along with her site(s). I’m wondering what happened. There is any number of things that could have happened.

I mean emotional stress is a mutha. If you mess around and get the wrong person in your sheets and in your head it can wipe you out of this biz and I’m learning it’s best to deal with the pro’s. I don’t think many dudes can “really” handle being with a chick off the net. I mean they say they want you, they fantasize about you, whack off to your pics but can’t handle how small you make them feel.

You might think that they would love to be with you after all that whacking off and they might think so also but the truth is their insecurities eat away at them and they flee. All the voices of doubt whispering to them. They have to walk around every day wondering if you will dump they ass tomorrow and get someone new. It takes a strong man to deal with that. Let’s not forget the fact that if you are an escort or porn star you are branded a slut. LOL Even if you’ve only fucked two guys over the last four years. !!!

O trust me I understand. I understand completely. It’s so much easier to get you one of them quiet, plain, boring chicks that are too afraid to smile at an attractive guy or start up a conversation with her eyes !! HA, ha, that shit rocks. I understand some guys are just not cut out to handle having a highly sought after chick as his “woman”. But sweets I’ll tell you this. If you get that chance you better take it make the best of it, enjoy the ride, enjoy the perks and make it do what it do.

The truth is most porn stars are not sluts. Why..? cause sluts fuck for free and they don’t have web sites. They are not thinking about building up a fan base, making content or selling videos. They creep off do what they do and you will never know. So, if you have a woman doing porn and that’s her thing relax, breathe, exhale and know that she wants you !! If any thing you should be re-assured cause of all those she could have chosen you are “the one”. If the average chick had porn star choices would she choose you..??

And your porn star woman most likely needs you for your emotional support more than any thing else. If you can just be that man to give the emotional support she needs and words of encouragement you are “king”.

Now go download my new Video clips . . .

I have to give the fans what they want and they wanted pizza so here I am enjoying pizza. Will I eat a whole medium pizza by myself ..? You’ll have to watch to find out.

Go a head down load it at www.bigbodydiva.com